Demons

I had no idea what kind of things I will experience in my life and after all I’m waking up every morning with “my demons”.  They are there in my mind every morning and every time I need to turn my “back” and walk away from them to start a new day. With time it’s getting easier and demons are slowly loosing they powers.  Some days are  better, some can be worst.

Is there any way to forget your demons? The answer is No. We can push them away because we are amazing and our mind is one of the most fantastic storage’s of information and pictures. What our body can do is to freeze some of the bad experience in the deepest file in our mind. Our subconscious will know  and that can create nightmares but we will feel like we forgot. It has happen to  me. Something horrible happened to me from the hands of the person I loved and I forgot. My mind was protecting me from my own experience and memory. It came back to me in a very stressful situation and it was almost a surprise to me . This is one of my demons but don’t most of us  have them?!

We can talk about demons, problems and issues all the time and it is important to have someone you can feel comfortable to open up to, but what we have to do is to find the way to live with them.  Maybe that doesn’t sounds good but it is  possible.   It can take time, it can take planning, it can take courage.

There is two things you need to start with. For some very strange reason people who have been abuse mentally or physically are always trying to analyse  what they have done wrong and very often we are feeling guilty. I spend years analyzing what I have done wrong, what I could do better. I was trying to understand motives and reason, and I was forgiving. Wrong!

No one have a right or reason to abuse other human. If you feel mental or physical pain because of wrong actions taken against you, that means it is wrong and should not be tolerated.

It’s not easy to fight for our rights when we feel weak, betrayed and confuse. But step by step we can take actions to feel safe.

Find something which you feel will make you feel stronger and it will allow you to rest. Rest from thinking, analyzing and from feeling scared.

For me movies played a huge part in surviving. There were a “place” where I could escape and be part of a different story. When I could enjoy sun, rain, happiness and sadness with out pain. With time sport become a second thing which helped me deal with all the pain and anger. Both this things are still extremely important in my life because we are healing for a long time, and even when to wound is healed, scar will stay.

Be strong, be positive. Stay  motivated, and work on your demons!

Agnes